fuck you pay me.

The theatre company I worked for earlier this year owes me a pretty significant chunk of change.

fuck you pay me.

The show closed over a month ago.

fuck you pay me.

I’ve opened 2 shows since then.

fuck you pay me.

I signed your contract. Sign my paycheck.

fuck you pay me.

We’re in our first dress rehearsal and already one of the ensemble girls has skipped offstage and stumbled over a mat backstage.

Actors are magical people.

It’s comforting to know, that after years of stressing, obsessing, and panicing, tech has become a natural state of being. Like, I have instincts for it now. Cool.

turning down a job offer is the best worst thing.


so my final university show assignment is what we call a “Tech ASM” for Much Ado About Nothing. Basically it’s a role we use for shows when it’s a big cast and there was only 1 ASM for the rest of rehearsal, or if it’s someone’s first time ASMing and they need a little help or whatever.

I’m so excited because I love Much Ado, I love the director, I love the space, but mostly I love the cast. I didn’t do any theatre shows this year, ony opera dance dance and doing Much Ado was a late add for me and I was so happy to end college in a really full circle-y way: the first show I was assigned to freshman year was a Shakespeare play (Macbeth) in the same space, and in a different way, became a weird freshman version of a Tech ASM…floating in this weird space between regular practicum crew and a full ASM.

Plus the onstage/tech/performance part of a show is my favorite part, so I’m really pumped.

And apparently when the SM told the cast I was joining the show tomorrow in rehearsal tonight, there were some cheers.

I love actors so goddamn much.

doot doot gonna go be the face of stage managers everywhere for a class of 300 non-major students.

good thing I look cute today.

*applies to Seattle Rep*

*breathes heavily into a paper bag for 5 minutes*

*carries on*

For everyone asking,

I am a/the stage management intern for Theatre at Monmouth for this summer.

So, it seems I won’t be getting the dream apprenticeship I really wanted. which is fine…i guess.

But now I have like…16 hours to figure out of this place that offered me the job for the summer is where I want to go.

I can’t.

I’m so broken and burnt out and tired.

I feel like I can’t make any rationale decisions right now.


Invited Dress happened. It was the two hard pieces (my pieces)

It went pretty well actually.

Though I had the realest most stressful panic nightmare the night before and I might have accidentally punched my sleeping boyfriend trying to get out of it.

So you know, that happened.

Poured myself some hard cider in a wineglass, did dishes, doing laundry, gonna clean my room and get my shit together.

I am rather tired.